A Rebirth of Words

“What are we doing when we do nothing but think? Where are we when we, normally always surrounded by our fellow-men, are together with no one but ourselves?” - Hannah Arendt

It seems our minds have spent more than just three days in darkness. Quarantined inside a tomb, we yearn for a stone to be rolled away, that we might think freely once again. We are stuck in more ways than one. We are in need of new thoughts.

New words. We think in words. Words are filled with meaning, some more than others. When circumstances become difficult to comprehend, we tend to draw too deeply from the wells of certain words. We fixate. They become the lexicon of the times, a special dictionary full of very narrow definitions: airborne is no longer a reference to flight, it is a transmission method. Collapse is no longer an end to a child’s block tower, it is an end to an economy. News is no longer a paper in a mailbox, it is a frantic obsession.

We quarantine our minds with only a few phrases, and our spirits wither. The tomb closes.

This Easter, during this pandemic, may our thinking be extricated from this narrowness of language. May we gather up the pieces of words spread far and wide - spread too thin - and sit with them awhile, as with newly planted seeds. May we watch them grow, given the proper attention, the right root.

Today, may we find a better Gardener, committed to a redemption of purpose, a renewal of meaning, a rebirth of words.

- Shannon & Evan

Protect

Six

Hands

Surface

Nonessential

Delivery

Alone

Widespread

Temperature

Prepping

Stay

Infectious

Alone /əˈlōn/

Much of life should be spent

discovering the difference between 

lonely

and

alone.

One is painful,

one is healing.

One is awkward,

one is good.

One is heartbreak,

one is the heart

of rest.

When you close your eyes to sleep

you do so

entirely alone.

When you wake

you wake 

to a world of interaction.

Both were resolved already

in the past.

One is mourning,

one is waiting.

Both will happen.

Neither will last.

Widespread /ˈwīdˌspred/

A hug

is a gigantic sort of thing.

To be wrapped up is to be caught up,

to be embraced is to be ensnared,

to be welcomed

or comforted

or congratulated

with the physics of two human arms

is to be entangled with another soul

(no matter how reluctant the hold).

If arms can be outstretched,

they can be widespread.

If arms enact the coverage of love,

then we may call them Life

redeeming a multitude of Dead.

Temperature
/ˈtemp(ə)rəCHər/

Every day for decades now

We have taken the world’s temperature

Wondering whether tomorrow

Will be fever or chill.

Powerless except only to measure.

Now we take our temperature

Wondering whether tomorrow

Will be fever or chill.

Powerless except only to measure.

Heat is the fuel of life.

It makes the earth edible.

It reconciles our natural imbalance.

It documents the passage of time.

We love light

because of heat.

We are moths to brilliant flame,

powerless except only to measure.

Prepping /ˈprepiNG/

Wait.

That word is loaded

not because it sounds like

weight

but because it is a deep guarantee

of hurt and help

together -

an oil 

and water.

Wait.

It does not blend with our experience.

It does not mix with our version.

It does not fade with time.

Wait.

It lies heavy over all things,

pregnant with the intentional or arbitrary,

poised to conclude at any moment -

you just never know which.

Wait.

This too shall pass.

It’s true,

but it doesn’t help that much.

Wait.

There is nothing to do

but demand an end.

Stay /stā/

There are so many feelings we try to push away.

Only the bright ones

are ever asked to stay.

When the nagging dark

pulls its hat down for today,

do not fear the gray.

Now I stop and let it wash

all illusion away.

Now I stop to feel the cost

of all I ever counted on,

all I assumed 

would remain.

Let the sense of helplessness

remind you to look elsewhere,

when only 

the overwhelming 

stays.

Infectious /inˈfekSHəs/

Many things spread like wildfire.

Yawns and fear and smiles.

Our chemistry picks up on close quarter cues 

(most we are never privy to).

Most have a materialist explanation - 

a quantifiable cause.

But just because the wind

can be measured as a system

does not mean we know where it will go

much less point and make it follow.

We are carriers of moods and attitudes

functional philosophies

so much more viral than we know.

We are relational creatures

pretending we know where we will go,

collecting close quarter cues

more deterministic than we know.

Many things catch flame quickly,

dry kindling scattered as if purposeless,

or just a system too big

for us to measure.

Many things spread like wildfire.

Faith and hope and love.

Protect /prəˈtekt/

We cannot let down our guard

at the same time as

there is so much we cannot guard against.

Six /siks/

We shovel dirt into a garden

either to birth botany

or bury biology.

The former is six inches deep,

the latter six feet.

We shovel dirt into a garden

and wait to see if life

can overcome.

Hands /hændz/

The primary instrument of knowledge

is not the mind:

it is the hand.

Before we ever see,

we feel.

To be certain of what we experience,

we pinch.

To demand proof of existence,

we touch.

The primary instrument of love

is not the heart:

it is the hand.

Before we ever love,

we greet hello with a handshake.

To express our affection,

we write.

To be certain of reciprocity,

we embrace.

To demand proof of love,

we turn open our palms

to the apathetic sky

and beg a God we usually only barely believe in:

bend down.

The primary instrument of worship

is not the soul:

it is the hand.

Surface /ˈsərfəs/

We watch the birds in the morning.

They scavenge with such confidence.

In the winter they came in the early afternoon.

They descended as a a choral raiding horde.

They bounced around too jubilantly to be desperate.

They must have known their meal would be waiting for them.

They must have known it would not be hidden from them.

They must have known this plane

would yield its yield to them

would surface its contents

serve itself up,

so many promises

fulfilled 

every day.

Nonessential /ˌnänəˈsen(t)SH(ə)l/

When you see a bird of paradise

Consider

Paradise will be full

Of wanton impracticality.

Each crease of yours you wish you could carve away

Is precisely unnecessary,

the way an artist flicks a wrist

or a poet rhymes a list.

It may be tired to analogize

aged beauty with aged wine

but time still shows

from one good thing's

Decomposition

comes another 

Good 

Thing

and this is only for the mature

to know.

Delivery /dəˈliv(ə)rē/

Fast forward

Time lapse

And all the patiently turning gears

Become dances.

The seas slowly scintillate.

Each supernova prances.

The wind no longer shifts:

It waltzes,

up, out, together, lift.

Bring it all just barely to a halt

and all the rapidly replicating rhythms

Become songs.

Atoms split into instruments

Molecules make melodies

The strings theorize symphonies

Gravity grows

into grace notes

even in all deep wells.

In the long view of history, 

the hand of heaven overshadows the dark hints of hell.

Drink a glass with friends.

Apologize for all your wrongs,

but never anything more.

Smile while the world ends.

You will never know your place inside the song.

Buck the heart’s steep downward trends.

You will be all praise again.

And you, daughter, 

Be born in a pandemic.

There is no better time for you to come.

Be we broke or barely treading water,

This broken barren ocean planet 

is your home.

There is no better time for you to come.

You will never know your notes,

the narrative arc so much bigger than your mind.

You will always wonder how it always fits together,

how birdsongs become ballads

and newborn cooing rhymes.

There is an artist behind the weather,

an author of fine lines.

There is no better time for you to come.

There is no better time.

Saturday Morning Together

We chef together. It’s wonderful. You’re a happier chef than me. But at least I always wear pants under my apron.

Arlene Lavonne Dunn

Excited to announce Arlene "Arley" Lavonne Dunn, due April 28th. She is named after her paternal great great grandmother, Arley Jackson, and maternal great grandmother, Lavonne Berry, because her parents love and admire both very much.

Miracle (Year 1)

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I love you, Wesley.

It isn't how much you smile, though that is wonderful. It isn't how much you learn, how long you can focus on a single problem, how you beg for books to be read to you all the time, how you always want to join me in my cooking, and say "hot!" It isn't all the little things, or even what they add up to. It is more basic, more binary than that.

It is that you are ours.

It is that you are.

That is the miracle.

I have asked for many more years with you, as any parent does. But there is no peak knowledge, no peak capacity to a human. You are fully you, as fully as I am me. The potential you have is only icing on a fully baked cake. Any thought less is sacrilege: you are no less than me, you are as much as me - if anything, you are more (unsullied by disenchantment, by insecurity, by selfishness, so quick to love and believe and trust, as if that was what the world was for).

//

IMG_0001.jpg

There is one particular thing I want you to learn: scale. So much knowledge can be summed up in comparisons of scale. One of your favorites books right now poses two questions: “What is smaller than a flea?” and “What is bigger than the sky?” The answer to the first, according to this book for kids, is “A world of things too small to see.” To the second: “The never ever ending sky.” I hope you understand how trite both of those are. There are real answers. In fact, there is one answer to both questions. An overarching, and an underpinning. A first, and a last. A beginning, and an end.

//

You began one year ago. Now we get to count: 1. If you live average, you’ll have 70-ish more of these. There are a thousand decisions that increase or decrease that number. My great-grandmother lived to be 101. She jogged each day until she was 97. My mother attributes my great-grandmother’s health to her positive attitude. As miraculous as this longevity is, the goal of life is not more days or more years. It is good days. You have already had so many good days.

//

You broke your mother, you know. In more ways than one. But the pain let you graft into her in a way too precious for me to covet. Even if I must admire the bond you share with her at a distance, it is worth it. This year has been the story of you, beginning, but it has also been the story of her, changing chapters. I would pick no better son to hurt her than you, and no more constant warmth, no more ambitious mind to challenge her and nestle into her than you.

You are the miracle.

//

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Miracle:

A tired word for tired people.

Code for uncanny/incredible/can't.

A name for an event I must admit

makes me believe the supernatural exists.

You were born 1 year and 34 minutes ago.

I caught you.

You were a tired word born to tired people.

You stood for the incredible.

You were an event I must admit

made me believe the supernatural exists.

You traipse through the days,

hunkered into my elbow crook.

You while toward time I do not have

and you find it for me.

You careen frequently,

veer on and off my path

at the most inconvenient intervals.

You furl up to say goodnight once a day

like clockwork conjured

from some preimagined rhythm.

You tinge everything with smile,

mull the click of buckles,

find the kilter in the sleep cycle,

and hoodwink me with wink-attempts

and chuckles.

You are a fresh take on stale speech.

You stand for the simple.

You are an event I still admit

makes me believe God exists.

- Evan

Piano man

Love that we find you here so often.

4.7.19 & 4.13.19

You love watching everything that lives underwater, just like your dad.

You love being underwater, just like your mom.

Unlanguaged

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As yet

you see my love

as an unlanguaged blur.

You find its lines

only in the shape of my face,

its warmth in my palms.

Some day I will try to tell you

how big it was,

the holding in the night,

the patient waiting 

for the cries to subside.

My parents did the same.

It is impossible 

to fully comprehend

the scale of love 

before we know we are

loved

at all.

For me,

I deceive myself

into the idea that I know enough

to manage my own humanness.

Really, even the smallest corners

of what I cannot see

dwarf the crannies of my mind.

In the niche nooks of knowledge,

some days I can begin 

to see myself in my son:

the fury over things

that do not last,

the joy over things

that are insignificant

but are made magnificent

by that same joy.

And on those days

I sense the presence,

vague,

unworded -

but constant,

known -

wishing me into growth,

loving me in

to life.

I love you, Wesley.

I love you, Wesley.

3/6/19

Nine months old in lederhosen. Because, lederhosen. Thanks Oma and Opa!