A Rebirth of Words

“What are we doing when we do nothing but think? Where are we when we, normally always surrounded by our fellow-men, are together with no one but ourselves?” - Hannah Arendt

It seems our minds have spent more than just three days in darkness. Quarantined inside a tomb, we yearn for a stone to be rolled away, that we might think freely once again. We are stuck in more ways than one. We are in need of new thoughts.

New words. We think in words. Words are filled with meaning, some more than others. When circumstances become difficult to comprehend, we tend to draw too deeply from the wells of certain words. We fixate. They become the lexicon of the times, a special dictionary full of very narrow definitions: airborne is no longer a reference to flight, it is a transmission method. Collapse is no longer an end to a child’s block tower, it is an end to an economy. News is no longer a paper in a mailbox, it is a frantic obsession.

We quarantine our minds with only a few phrases, and our spirits wither. The tomb closes.

This Easter, during this pandemic, may our thinking be extricated from this narrowness of language. May we gather up the pieces of words spread far and wide - spread too thin - and sit with them awhile, as with newly planted seeds. May we watch them grow, given the proper attention, the right root.

Today, may we find a better Gardener, committed to a redemption of purpose, a renewal of meaning, a rebirth of words.

- Shannon & Evan

Protect

Six

Hands

Surface

Nonessential

Delivery

Alone

Widespread

Temperature

Prepping

Stay

Infectious

Alone /əˈlōn/

Much of life should be spent

discovering the difference between 

lonely

and

alone.

One is painful,

one is healing.

One is awkward,

one is good.

One is heartbreak,

one is the heart

of rest.

When you close your eyes to sleep

you do so

entirely alone.

When you wake

you wake 

to a world of interaction.

Both were resolved already

in the past.

One is mourning,

one is waiting.

Both will happen.

Neither will last.

Widespread /ˈwīdˌspred/

A hug

is a gigantic sort of thing.

To be wrapped up is to be caught up,

to be embraced is to be ensnared,

to be welcomed

or comforted

or congratulated

with the physics of two human arms

is to be entangled with another soul

(no matter how reluctant the hold).

If arms can be outstretched,

they can be widespread.

If arms enact the coverage of love,

then we may call them Life

redeeming a multitude of Dead.

Temperature
/ˈtemp(ə)rəCHər/

Every day for decades now

We have taken the world’s temperature

Wondering whether tomorrow

Will be fever or chill.

Powerless except only to measure.

Now we take our temperature

Wondering whether tomorrow

Will be fever or chill.

Powerless except only to measure.

Heat is the fuel of life.

It makes the earth edible.

It reconciles our natural imbalance.

It documents the passage of time.

We love light

because of heat.

We are moths to brilliant flame,

powerless except only to measure.

Prepping /ˈprepiNG/

Wait.

That word is loaded

not because it sounds like

weight

but because it is a deep guarantee

of hurt and help

together -

an oil 

and water.

Wait.

It does not blend with our experience.

It does not mix with our version.

It does not fade with time.

Wait.

It lies heavy over all things,

pregnant with the intentional or arbitrary,

poised to conclude at any moment -

you just never know which.

Wait.

This too shall pass.

It’s true,

but it doesn’t help that much.

Wait.

There is nothing to do

but demand an end.

Stay /stā/

There are so many feelings we try to push away.

Only the bright ones

are ever asked to stay.

When the nagging dark

pulls its hat down for today,

do not fear the gray.

Now I stop and let it wash

all illusion away.

Now I stop to feel the cost

of all I ever counted on,

all I assumed 

would remain.

Let the sense of helplessness

remind you to look elsewhere,

when only 

the overwhelming 

stays.

Infectious /inˈfekSHəs/

Many things spread like wildfire.

Yawns and fear and smiles.

Our chemistry picks up on close quarter cues 

(most we are never privy to).

Most have a materialist explanation - 

a quantifiable cause.

But just because the wind

can be measured as a system

does not mean we know where it will go

much less point and make it follow.

We are carriers of moods and attitudes

functional philosophies

so much more viral than we know.

We are relational creatures

pretending we know where we will go,

collecting close quarter cues

more deterministic than we know.

Many things catch flame quickly,

dry kindling scattered as if purposeless,

or just a system too big

for us to measure.

Many things spread like wildfire.

Faith and hope and love.

Protect /prəˈtekt/

We cannot let down our guard

at the same time as

there is so much we cannot guard against.

Six /siks/

We shovel dirt into a garden

either to birth botany

or bury biology.

The former is six inches deep,

the latter six feet.

We shovel dirt into a garden

and wait to see if life

can overcome.

Hands /hændz/

The primary instrument of knowledge

is not the mind:

it is the hand.

Before we ever see,

we feel.

To be certain of what we experience,

we pinch.

To demand proof of existence,

we touch.

The primary instrument of love

is not the heart:

it is the hand.

Before we ever love,

we greet hello with a handshake.

To express our affection,

we write.

To be certain of reciprocity,

we embrace.

To demand proof of love,

we turn open our palms

to the apathetic sky

and beg a God we usually only barely believe in:

bend down.

The primary instrument of worship

is not the soul:

it is the hand.

Surface /ˈsərfəs/

We watch the birds in the morning.

They scavenge with such confidence.

In the winter they came in the early afternoon.

They descended as a a choral raiding horde.

They bounced around too jubilantly to be desperate.

They must have known their meal would be waiting for them.

They must have known it would not be hidden from them.

They must have known this plane

would yield its yield to them

would surface its contents

serve itself up,

so many promises

fulfilled 

every day.

Nonessential /ˌnänəˈsen(t)SH(ə)l/

When you see a bird of paradise

Consider

Paradise will be full

Of wanton impracticality.

Each crease of yours you wish you could carve away

Is precisely unnecessary,

the way an artist flicks a wrist

or a poet rhymes a list.

It may be tired to analogize

aged beauty with aged wine

but time still shows

from one good thing's

Decomposition

comes another 

Good 

Thing

and this is only for the mature

to know.

Delivery /dəˈliv(ə)rē/

Fast forward

Time lapse

And all the patiently turning gears

Become dances.

The seas slowly scintillate.

Each supernova prances.

The wind no longer shifts:

It waltzes,

up, out, together, lift.

Bring it all just barely to a halt

and all the rapidly replicating rhythms

Become songs.

Atoms split into instruments

Molecules make melodies

The strings theorize symphonies

Gravity grows

into grace notes

even in all deep wells.

In the long view of history, 

the hand of heaven overshadows the dark hints of hell.

Drink a glass with friends.

Apologize for all your wrongs,

but never anything more.

Smile while the world ends.

You will never know your place inside the song.

Buck the heart’s steep downward trends.

You will be all praise again.

And you, daughter, 

Be born in a pandemic.

There is no better time for you to come.

Be we broke or barely treading water,

This broken barren ocean planet 

is your home.

There is no better time for you to come.

You will never know your notes,

the narrative arc so much bigger than your mind.

You will always wonder how it always fits together,

how birdsongs become ballads

and newborn cooing rhymes.

There is an artist behind the weather,

an author of fine lines.

There is no better time for you to come.

There is no better time.

December Seven Two Thousand Nineteen

You landed with the falling of the snow.

You arrived on the drifting winter clouds.

You awoke the broken notion of family.

You are synonymous 

with the mystery 

of Christmas.

You enchanted me 

with the way your eyes lit up at lights.

You favored the blinking ones,

daily pointed them out.

You were both welcome and strange,

the way I always hoped my life

would be rearranged.

When I think of that day,

twenty years ago,

there is nothing I would change.

There was no better way 

to celebrate this holiday,

the one about two people who adopt a baby,

the one about the God who promises to adopt

all who admit they need it, and then some,

the one about how everything is about family,

the one about the beginning of the end 

of orphanages.

You are both icon and brother,

symbol and friend.

You always remind me that the lights 

are not just for show.

So illuminate the night;

peel the dusk off of 

the earth.

Watch each corner of our green trees glow.

Demand the evening find its morning mirth,

ask the dark "How long do you expect to slow

the soul's cascading knowledge of its worth?"

How steadily grows

hope every heart finds hearth.

You landed with the falling of the snow.

You of all people know

family

is invitation 

to rebirth.

Turning 30, an experience

I got to try my hand at knitting, make kokedama by hand, and eat sushi 31 floors above Bellevue. Not pictured, but I also got to sing karaoke til my hearts content, cuddle my nephews and nieces, and drop Wes off for many hours so that I could miss him so much. Cheers to all the people who made me feel so loved and known at 30 years in <3

Valentine's Date

You turned and said

How will we hear this music

after we leave?

The next artist

talked about the state of the world today

Now

How bad.

The magic of a moment

or its misery -

Neither remain.

After the earth

After the earth 

has shed its skin, 

I will roam its raw rebirth.


Step over steppe, 

touch over tundra,

trace channels, 

walk along waters.


I will find no death,

no war, 

no silent killers of souls - 

the secrets 

every culture, every country holds.

A Snow Day

Today we woke up to our first storm of 2019. Snow came for the first time and your dad left on a trip for the first time since you were born — giving us a lot to think about. The day was a little adventurous but mostly it was a lot less warm. 

I took you outside and set you down and you got real quiet like the snow. You smiled a little but only at first. Then we watched everything be still. Then you looked so serious about it, I had to tell you it wouldn’t stay that way. 

Snow melts, and he’ll be back. 

Grandpa Jim's Service

“I want to be like my Dad.” -Mike Dunn

For my nephew, Hudson

Some stories

have dying 

in them.

Not all stories.

Today's story did.

Some stories

you will make,

some stories

will be made for you.

All stories 

will shape you.

Some stories

have dying

in them.

All stories

have living

in them.

Most stories

have living

and then dying.

One story

has dying

and then living.

Keep looking

for the story

that has dying

and then living

and living

and living.

Strangers in the Night

I can already feel it slipping away. 

Soon I won’t remember what it was like, not knowing you. 

Every day I can see my opinion of you forming into something more solid, more opaque. I keep adding a piece to your puzzle, knowing I won’t finish it ever but still seeing more and more picture nonetheless. 

When you first got here I felt like a stranger had been placed on my chest. I would wake up in the middle of the night to feed you and stare down with so many questions. You were not intuitive to me. I think I was given a baby that smiled so early because I needed a baby that knew me, so I could learn to know him. 

I was thrown off by you. I wobbled. I could not find my center as I distractedly watched you orbit around me. 

You found your rhythm before I found mine. You led the dance.  

Today I drove by the place where we saw your first ultrasound photo and I laughed, looking back at you in the back seat. Here you are! So much of you has already bloomed into personality. I lost my breath a little back then. I stared at the stranger in the photo and felt uneasy that someone I didn’t know would change me so much.

And now that feeling is almost gone. I always remember your face now. When you first got here I would sometimes get excited to see you after sleeping because I couldn’t remember what you looked like exactly. I know the sound of your laugh. You are now a more uniquely-only-you kind of strange and less could-be-anyone stranger each day. 

I’m guessing someday I won’t be able to recall not knowing you. I may even think I’ve cornered the market on who “Wesley” is.  I want to remember that you made me “mom”, but I did not make you, Son. 

 I want to remember once the illusion of time+proximity=intimacy sets in, that we were total strangers once, until we weren’t. Until one day we woke up friends.  

“It turned out so right

For strangers in the night”

Goodbye "pink house"

said goodbye.jpg

We said goodbye to another place that tells part of our story. So grateful in goodbye for something we didn't deserve in the first place. Thankful for the sweet-smelling, well-lit and well-shadowed memories. Thankful for a great "shelter", through some of our most trying and joyful times. Thanks to the Giver of all good things.